At 45, I've had a relationship with God for 30 years. They have not been years free from difficulties, but they have been years with a real, living, authentic God who has always loved me, never left me, and always been patient with me, faithful to teach me and help me improve myself along the way.

I was not raised to be a Christian - in fact, I was raised by my father to be an atheist. An atheist believes there is no higher power, an agnostic believes in a higher power but does not acknowledge that higher power as God. I was taught by my father that God is a myth.

Even so, as I look back on my life even before I met God, I clearly see His presence. I am an only child from a severely dysfunctional family. My childhood was racked with violence and abuse. My father physically and emotionally abused my mother and me. He kept us isolated from the rest of the world physically and emotionally. His belief was that only he knew what I needed and only he could supply it. But he came far, far from even supplying some of my very basic needs such as heat, a safe home with doors that locked (the front door of the tiny trailer we lived in was held shut with a bungee cord), food, and an environment free from blood, beatings and violence. Still, one of my few good memories as a child was when I built a fort in the tall wheat that grew near where I lived, and in the middle of my fort I built a "room" that was my "church"...I didn't really know why I did this, I just knew I would go there and feel differently whenever I went. I didn't know Jesus then, I didn't know His name, but He was there even then. Now I understand that even my simplistic, childlike "reaching out" was met by God with the response of His being there with me.

Toward the end of my 11th year my parents divorced and my mother moved me from Ohio to Oklahoma in an attempt to get away from my father. It didn't work – he followed us. From 12 through 17 my life continued to be very rocky as I tried to cope with the anger and pain that continued to be inflicted.

I met God as a result of a high school friend who kept inviting me to church – finally one Sunday I went just to shut her up. It was a tiny little country church, nothing very remarkable about it, except that God was present. When the pastor had prayer time at the end of the service, everyone in the church went forward to pray but me. I didn't quite get what they were doing so I stayed in my seat. But then a very still, small voice beckoned to me as I was there by myself and I remember simply acknowledging God and reaching out to Him. It was like I finally met Him face to face. There weren't any lightening bolts or thunder claps, again, nothing remarkable, but from that moment on I knew something had changed – I had personally met the God of the universe and He was my Friend...finally, I knew His name.

I had a wonderful beginning to my life as a Christian at that little country church. It's where I first learned to memorize scripture. This has helped me through my entire life, not because I can "quote" scripture, but because in times of need, it is there. For example, during times of deep depression I knew that King David, the psalmist, also had times of deep depression, as did other famous figures in the bible. This helped me cope realistically, meaning I didn't just pretend it wasn't there, I understood some famous people who knew God also struggled with the same thing (read two of my articles on the subject, Applying the Medicine of God's Word). The church was also home to a wonderful music trio who brought me under their spiritual/musical wing and not only let me participate along with them in the music but also encouraged me and got me started doing solos.

From that little church, I went to a big church in my home town of Heavener (population 2000) which was just forming a youth choir...in that small town we had a 60 member youth choir! There I met my first spiritual/musical mentor who saw something in me beyond the broken teenager I was at the time...and she put me in the position of alto soloist for the choir. I spent my high school years touring the country with the youth choir known as The Believers. I'll never forget on one tour to New Mexico singing these words to a Dallas Holm song: "Here we are in Your presence, lifting holy hands to You. Here we are praising Jesus, for the things He's brought us through". The sun was setting and the bats were flying out of the cave at the mouth of Carlsbad Caverns, and as we sang those words, God's presence poured over us like sunshine! To see my last tour photo, click here. To read a history on The Believers, and watch videos of our performances, visit The Believers website – I'm in all of the 1981 and 1982 videos and credits. This is a video of me singing "He Knew Me Then" at 15, and this is a video of me at 44 singing "Here We Are" with the Believer's during our first ever Believer's reunion July 2009. For reunion photos, click here.

At the end of the summer of 1982, at barely 18 and a few months after graduating from high school, I moved 200 miles away from home to Oklahoma City. After working the summer in OKC, I went to college that fall at Oklahoma Baptist University in Shawnee, Oklahoma – 30 some miles east of Oklahoma City – to major in vocal music education. College was difficult for me as most of my energy went toward beginning my journey of emotional healing.

I was so blessed during those formative years of my life as a Christian to have several mentors who helped me learn how to begin building a solid foundation in my relationship with God. I had friends in college, both my age and older, who helped me learn the importance of accountability and community, and who were there to help me along the way. After college I moved to Oklahoma City and there I met another friend who became one of my mentors and dearest friends...more than 20 years later she is still a valuable friend and accountability partner. I also had a wonderful mentor, the music director at a church I attended in OKC, who helped me learn how to allow God to flow through music directing. Looking back I know how precious those foundational lessons were. I have been so very blessed.

I had a few adventures after college, one of which was spending about six months in Crested Butte, Colorado working as, of all things, a cook for a ski lodge...up to that point I had never been a "cook"...I still am not! It was a wonderful time in my life, and I enjoyed meeting new people, skiing, and spending time in the mountains of beautiful Colorado. After Crested Butte, I moved back to Oklahoma CIty and spent the next several years working for an oil company downtown, while continuing music ministry through my church and various other venues. In 1988 I got married, lived in Oklahoma CIty another couple of years, moved to Tennessee to take a worship leader position, and ended up back in southeast Oklahoma the following year, living just across the Arkansas river from Fort Smith, Arkansas where I worked for Fort Smith Public Schools. While in Fort Smith, I formed a couple of bands that played locally which was great fun! One of my bands, Collective Vitality, played the local Octoberfest each year. Collective Vitality came out of an earlier band called Kairos which I formed for an alternative service at a local Methodist church in the early 90s. The highlight for Kairos was when we were the headliner band for an anti-hate rally held at the same time a KKK rally was going on in Fort Smith. Much to my surprise, I found myself in brilliant color (red hair and tie dye shirt) on the front page of the next day's Sunday paper! Click here to see the clipping.

Though I took my marriage vows of "till death" seriously, unfortunately after 12 years of marriage my husband chose divorce. It was one of the most difficult times of my life, and after the divorce I needed a fresh start so I accepted a job with the local newspaper in Shawnee as their New Media Director...I built web pages and managed the Internet Department. This was the first time I got PAID to design websites and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I worked there for a couple of years, accepted a position with another local company managing their website, and then had a reaction to a prescription medication that resulted in me going on permanent medical leave. I worked from there to regain my health and build a web design and transcription business from home. I have thoroughly enjoyed living near Oklahoma CIty again, renewing friendships that have remained over all these years, and establishing wonderful new friendships. As always, I have continued to minister in the various areas God opened to me.

The last 10 years my specialty area of ministry has been planting contemporary worship teams in churches. I go in and build worship teams from the ground up for churches who wish to add a contemporary team to their service. This has been a most enjoyable venture!

In 2008 I found an unusual place of ministry as firearms instructor for women. Oklahoma Personal Defense came about as a result of many women coming to me, asking me questions, encouraging me to teach, followed by, "I'll pray for you in this ministry." It took me awhile to see it as a ministry, but God has opened the doors all the way and it is truly a ministry to women on many levels who want to be able to defend themselves.

I've been blessed with some wonderful people in my life, people who still help me along my path, and now with a few more years of life experience I am more equipped to help others along their path. I consider myself a very rich person because of the abundance of quality people (both past and present) in my life!

Over the years I have invested a great deal of work in myself to overcome the damage that happened as a result of my childhood. I finally see the result of all that work in the achievement of what I consider to be true balance. I am very proud to include in this writing the amazing people, professional counselors, who have cumulatively helped me achieve this goal.

Music has been a way of life for me – I began to sing and play guitar when I was about eight. 37 years later, I still enjoy and appreciate the gift. God has given me a wonderful gift through music, it is my most beautiful expression of what's deep inside. Today I also greatly enjoy my creative gift through web design. And most recently in my unusual place of ministry, firearms instruction. Most of all, I enjoy the balance I've achieved, and the authenticity with which I live my life. I am truly blessed. More...