Recollecting positive acts eases anxiety

By Charlotte Lankard

Is the glass half full or half empty?

In the Sept. 26 issue of The Wall Street Journal, writer Elizabeth Bernstein told the story of a patient in therapy who was taking antidepressants and talking about the things in her life that bothered her. She eventually came to the conclusion that neither the drugs nor the sessions made her feel much better.

After moving to another city, she tried a different kind of therapy, known as positive psychology, this time talking only about the good things in her life. Admitting that she sometimes still felt anxious, she also believed the positive therapy helped her be more in control of her emotions, and she reported fewer bad moods.

Not surprising, several therapists bristled at the suggestion that the therapy they had been practicing was negative and expressed concern that positive psychology was only addressing half the problems.

Perhaps, there is room for both.

I attended a workshop led by former Harvard medical scientist and psychologist Joan Borysenko. Her topic was "Inner Peace for Busy People." One of the tools she recommended was "whine power."

"Whine power" is a balance of whining and gratitude. Here's how it works:

People pair off with a partner. One talks, and one listens. Then they switch roles.

First, each is instructed to whine, complain and list any grievances, worries or people they find difficult. Second, they are given two minutes each to talk about the things in their life that are good.

I often introduce "whine power" in stress management classes because it helps people understand the importance of balance.

While listening to the whining, I hear laughter and sympathy from the listener. When the time comes to share the gratitude list, the room gets quieter, and what follows is a sense of relief and well-being.

It is the reason best friends and support groups are good for us. They provide safe places to dump, which eases tension, and they are also great places to celebrate the good stuff, which helps keep life in perspective.

Rachel Naomi Remen, author of "Kitchen Table Wisdom," has a similar technique. She works with terminal cancer patients and suggests journaling each day, writing down what you experienced during your day that surprised you, touched you or inspired you. It doesn't make you forget you have cancer but simply reminds you there are also good things happening to you.

I am not suggesting "whine power" or journaling become a substitute for therapy for people severely depressed or traumatized, but any of us can have a better day, if we balance the negatives with some positives.

Is the glass half full or half empty? In reality, it is both.

Charlotte Lankard is a marriage and family therapist in private practice with Baptist Counseling Associates and director of the James L. Hall Center for Mind, Body and Spirit at Integris.