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By Charlotte Lankard It is easy to say, "Make your own self happy," and another thing to understand how one does that. Geneticists tell us some people are born cheerful, and others are naturally pensive. On the other hand, behavioral researchers have found that we can do certain things to change the way we feel. Both are right. But what is this thing called happiness? My friend Mary Marks Jenkins discovered a road map -- what happiness is and how to achieve it -- from authors Rick Foster and Greg Hicks in their book "How We Choose to Be Happy." The two men define happiness as a profound feeling of contentment, capability and centeredness -- the three C's. "It is a rich sense of well-being that comes from knowing you can deal productively and creatively with all that life offers, the good and the bad. It's knowing your internal self and responding to your needs, rather than the demands of others. And it's a deep sense of engagement -- living in the moment and enjoying life's bounty." Foster and Hicks -- speakers, trainers and consultants to major corporations, universities and medical centers -- set out on a three-year voyage to study extremely happy people. They discovered that happy people, whether they were rich or poor, and regardless of their genetic makeup, ethnic background, marital status or age, have these nine things in common: Intention -- a fully conscious decision to choose happiness over unhappiness. Accountability -- the choice to take full responsibility for your actions, thoughts and feelings and an absolute refusal to blame others for any unhappiness. Identification -- The ongoing process of looking within yourself to identify what makes you happy. Centrality -- Insistence on making that which creates happiness, a central activity in your life. Recasting -- The choice to turn problems into opportunities and challenges, and to recast extreme trauma into something meaningful, important and a source of life-giving energy. Options -- The decision to approach life by being open to new possibilities and by taking a flexible approach to life's journey. Appreciation -- Actively appreciating your life and expressing gratitude and thanks to the people around you. Giving -- Sharing yourself with friends, community and the world at large without the expectation of a "return on investment." Truthfulness -- Speaking your truth in an accountable manner, enforcing personal boundaries and not conforming to the demands of society, the corporation or the family whose demands violate your personal belief systems. This book includes stories of people who have learned to be happy and is worth a read for anyone who has ever found happiness somewhat elusive. Charlotte Lankard is a marriage and family therapist in private practice with Baptist Counseling Associates and director of the James L. Hall Center for Mind, Body and Spirit at Integris. |